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The Barvunty

Allegedly written by Barvu himself (during the time when Tarvu became Barvu), the Barvunty sets out Barvuist rules for living. Written from left to right and backwards, the Barvunty was actually most probably written some time after Tarvu left the Earth. Most scholars attribute this work to a Barvuist named 'Shirtless Bub' (Bub-lratittin), who was a well-known pick-pocket at the time.

Whoever the true author may be, the Barvunty remains an extremely turgid book, full of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors (for example, there is no punctuation whatsoever) and curse words.

The book is made up of 3 separate books:

  1. Barvil; which deals with behaviour towards others (including a set of swear words to be applied to your parents)
  2. Barvus; which deals with issues of finance, suggesting one steals, and commits arson in order to get rich.
  3. Barvalliton; an inconherent mixture of letters, numbers and scribblings, which some have taken to be a code for mankind. Many scholars have tried to 'crack' this code, but most have failed. However the Swedish Barvuist author Treh Lansi-Barv, has claimed to have deciphered the third book of the Barvunty, but has so far refused to reveal its contents. It is reported that he has asked for $20 million to hand over his translation. Not surprisingly, no one has come forward with the money.

The original Barvunty was written in horse and (some have said) human excrement. Copies of the Barvunty are still on sale today in certain bookshops, but thankfully, are now printed in ink.


Above: 1845 edition of The Barvunty (bearing the likeness of Hal-Huntl Mukburl, a controversial Dutch Barvuist)

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