Beliefs

In the Tarvuist religion, it is forbidden to eat calamari or octopus

Tarvuism, like Judaism, Islam and Christianity is a monotheistic religion - i.e. Tarvuists believe in one God (Tarvu).

Like these religions, Tarvuism promotes love for your fellow man, a respect for the family, hard work, hoensty, integrity and faith.

• All world religions are to be respected.

• All people - whatever race, colour and creed - should be seen as friends of Tarvu.

• The most important prayer in Tarvuism is 'Tarvu's Prayer' ('Tarvini Maarhaysu'). It is said when you wake up, go to bed, and before and after going to the toilet.

• The main Tarvuist philopophy (Tarvuists use this word to mean 'philosophy') is 'Be nice'. (TARV Bk II:18,8,vv.) {this is also the second-shortest passage in the Tarvunty. The shortest is “Hebbo.” (Awak'n'gs I: 1,12,vv.)}

However, there are some other beliefs that are quite different.

• Octopuses are considered holy creatures.

• Tarvuists have special dietary laws: they do not eat calamari (out of respect for Oobu)

• It is forbidden to eat bread (see 'Tellih'). However only very religious Tarvuists generally obey this.

• Tarvuists do not use pens during the Festival of Occiboonah (again, out of resepct for Oobu - i.e. octopus ink). Some devout Tarvuists do not use pens at all. These people are known as 'Pencil Tarvunies'

• Tarvuists believe that, when you die, your soul goes into the oceans for nine years (corresponding to the nine years that Tarvu swam). During this time, your soul has to learn to live underwater. It is survival of the fittest, and only those tough enough - spiritually - are judged fit to enter Tarvupia (heaven). Those that fail, are turned into amoeba or grains of sand.

• Tarvuist temple days are held on Tuesday ('Tarvusday'), Thursday ('Tharvusday') and Sunday ('Sarvusday').

• Boys and girls have a special coming-of-age ceremony at age 9 (the age Tarvu was when he stepped on dry land). This ceremony is known as an 'Erbuniatum'.

• Certain words are never said by Tarvuists. They are forbidden from saying them. The words are 'jilminny' (archetype) and 'jilminnstrum' (archetypal). As these words are quite infrequently used in general, this does not pose much of a problem to Tarvuists. No one is quite sure as to why these words should be banned, but it is generally thought that Tarvu promoted individualism, and “the individualism of the group”. Thus, archetypalism would be anathema to this belief. T.P.K. Henson, the controversial revisionist thinker, postulates that “this banishment of these two words must be some form of random joke, put forward by some drunken, herpes-ridden so-called priestmunty - and it sums up Tarvuism so perfectly: nonsense”. (from T.A.R.V.U.A.B).

• Marriage forms a central pillar in Tarvuism. However, it is customary for women to propose to men.

• Women wear neck-ties