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Hunjavvi eggs

Above: Eggs specially decorated during the Tarvuist festival of Hunjavvini to symbolise Hunjavvi eggs. The eggs are traditionally emptied, and carefully refilled with pieces of rotting meat.

Eggs from a type of bird/mammal that lived mainly in the plains of Ethiopia, in certain parts of Norway, and in the Kent region of south east England. The Hunjavvi was said to have been a cross between a golden eagle and winged-shrew, although most scholars these days say that such a creature could never have existed. In fact, most now believe the Hunjavvi to have been an ordinary pigeon.

One hundred years before Tarvu landed on Earth, a travelling Prince from Mun-Mun, (named 'Aguardos') presented the Mayor of Baalb (named 'Kivdim') with three Hunjavvi eggs at a large civic reception. At the time, these eggs were valued not for their taste or as a cooking ingredient, but as a type of laxative.

However, Mayor Kivdim took the gift as a major sleight. He felt it was deliberately aimed at embarrassing him. Little did Aguardos know that Kivdim suffered terribly from constipation, and that Kivdim was terrified that his peers would find out about his affliction. One must remember, that in those days, constipation was much frowned on, and considered the most embarrassing of all ailments, whereas it was perfectly admissable to defecate in the same room as a guest.

Kivdim flew into a rage and shouted at Aguardos, calling him terrible names such as 'Filfitty' (trans. 'b*d') and 'Num-num-nimmy-num' (trans. 'spitoon polisher'). He even lashed out at Aguardos, and knocked his hat off, before trampling it into the mud. “How dare you mock my constipating bowels?” He roared. But Kivdim had made a grave mistake - he had openly admitted he was constipated, and his gathered guests began laughing at him and mocking him.

Kivdim went beserk. He took his scimitar and imediately beheaded three of his own men - including his nephew Kivdemmal - before slicing Prince Aguardos into two.

When news of Aguardos' death reached Mayor Koobarty of Mun-Mun, Koobarty declared war on Baalb.

A vicious 30 year battle ensued, resulting in the deaths of over 900 men, and the largescale destruction of hunjavvis, and their habitat.

Mayor Kivdim himelf also died in battle, after being blinded by two arrows, falling off a cliff, landing in a pit of snakes, being bitten on the neck, then having the pit set alight by Mun-Munian troops, before the pit was filled in with mortar, dug up, and the entire contents dropped into a lake, which was then drained, and poured into a well which was filled with poison, then set alight, and the ashes fed to ravenous rats.

Hunjavvi eggs

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